Recently I came across Kurt Cobain's suicide note . This note affected me on a very deep level. It caused a flurry of emotions in my mind. And i really wanted to put it up on my blog.. So, here it is..
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
PS : Those of you who don't know about Kurt Cobain, visit this : Kurt Cobain
About Me
- Kadambari
- Goa, India
- Shakespeare once said “Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them." I was neither born great nor there was any divine intervention that showered greatness upon me. I’m just another not-so-great person like the millions others on this planet. But I do aspire (and I strive) to be a great daughter, a great sister, a great lover and most importantly a great human being. My life until now has been invariably a series of failures and setbacks. But as they Nothing lasts forever ! I know this is just a passing phase and I will reach the zenith one day. Nadirs And The Zenith is going to be the chronicle of this journey of mine – from Nadirs to the Zenith. NATZ is an attempt to write, express and share my feelings, views and opinions. Hope you have a pleasant time reading my space. Do leave your comments and suggestions, they’re most welcome.
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My Prayer
May every soul that touches mine
be it the slightest contact
get therefrom some good
some little grace, one kindly thought;
one aspiration yet unfelt
one bit of courage
for their darkening sky
one gleam of faith
to brave the the thickening ills of life
one glimpse of brighter skies
beyond the gathering mists
to make this life worthwhile
- George Eliot
be it the slightest contact
get therefrom some good
some little grace, one kindly thought;
one aspiration yet unfelt
one bit of courage
for their darkening sky
one gleam of faith
to brave the the thickening ills of life
one glimpse of brighter skies
beyond the gathering mists
to make this life worthwhile
- George Eliot
thanks. never thought of coming across the note. not so inventive with google searching you could say..or creative.